Single Ladies

All the single ladies......

I remember dancing over Beyonce’s song, it was bouncy and exciting. All the single ladies were indeed dancing, but it had a caveat, it was begging for a ring, it sought for a companionship, it was dancing towards the ring...

All the single ladies

25 and single and not at all ready to settle. This might be a story about one girl, two girls, many girls, or a whole sector of our population. One is 25, one is single , and one suddenly finds herself in the marriage market.

Let me give a background scenario first, This is the story from India. This is story of Indian girl, who just turned 25, finally realized it is awesome being a woman and finds herself in the marriage market . I say marriage, cos we don't date just for companionship, we don't date just for fun, we are always seeking an end, a purpose. Maybe something to do with our Indian philosophy and karma; maybe the fact that one of the ashrams, 25-50 years age group is meant for family and companionship. So please bear in mind all these factors before judging me and my friends, or even sympathising with us. We just exist with all of this as a backdrop.

I see myself walking on the road, I see myself dreaming, I see myself smiling over a cute guy, I see myself curious about future. So many girls spent most of their metro rides talking to some cute person somewhere, the smile with which they reply to some messages is too adorable to ignore. The hundreds of girls who spent hours on talking on phone while supposedly walking. This is what I see around myself. The bursting romance economy, the joys of so many people going gaga over so many tragic romantic songs.

what I don't see is the marriage market, but I feel the presence, I hear about it, I cant seem to ignore it and its looming all over.

It is not a great time to be 25 on the streets of India, you are either too old or either too young. You are always asked about your future and it is always about a guy. (I am sorry for restricting my story to heterosexual reality). Most of my friends are going through similar phase. I wish there was secret society of 25s where everyone could meet up and rant away their sorrows.

I am not against the marriage, I am extremely happy for couples who happily get married. Remember the focus is on 'happily get married'. I have these wonderful conversations where people say how much they long to be in a relationship. It is beautiful to be with someone, it is beautiful to see the dreams together. It might be even beautiful to be part of this beautiful dream. But not everyone has a bollywood story. 25 and not yet kissed, 25 and not yet in a relationship, 25 and forced to get married, 25 and many more sagas. These are some of the common stories. And people genuinely want to get out of their different stories.

How do we get out?

You look out and think about where have all the men gone? C'mon, they need to be somewhere. I don’t want to be introduced to a friend's friend or family friends. Why cant I just start a wonderful conversation with a stranger. No, I am not a fan of making friends of facebook, what I am seeking is real life friendships , real life companionships. And I am not ready for marriage and so are billions of people out there.

Tricky right, but how is that in this population of billions we are still unable to find our soul mates. I remember once a German friend of mine telling ,me, C'mon Jas, in this population of yours, it might be so difficult not getting into a relationship. They are just so many of you out there. But is it true? If there are so many out there ? Why cant we just talk to them, why cant we just drop in a hi, why is there always a wait for someone to start a conversation?

I have thought thousands of different reasons for why exactly people get into marriages, my all time favourite would be this short story written by Prem Chand, he gives 31 reasons as to why men get married. Some of the funny ones are like,

• I did not like coming back to empty houses
• everyone around was getting married so even I got married
• needed someone who would tell me I am smart

I have thought about similar reasons for women. Why would women want to get married? We all look for this perfect Ryan Gosling and yet we sit on our asses and just wait. We are all bursting with life and we sit and watch it pass by. I am asking for a life where we decide and demand our lives.

So single and not ready to settle, might be a dangerous path to tread. I finally reached a stage in life where I think so I am falling in love with myself. I am developing a strong taste for good things about life. Finally doing things that I love and I would happily seek for companionship.

and it feels good saying this.

Let me look around and find some cute guys, flirt with some and maybe smile a bit. Let me live my life a bit and let me start making my dreams come true.  

Beyonce has to wait. I might just go ahead and find my Ryan Gosling :)