love for colours!

Some movies make you think and some movies you would like to just walk out but there might be some movies , where you wuld like the screen to just freeze and relive that very moemnt again and again! . i feel that when i go for sanjay leela bhasali’s movies. I know people dnt agree on that, but every screen of his movie, every movie image is like a dream sequence of your life.
You would have to see again, think again and dream again to understand that. I might make it look like some phyics fomula here, but that is what his movie does to you.
I would like to just talk about guzaarish : saw it yesterday and yes there were momemnts where i wanted it to freeze. Not to relive that moment. I just could not. I wanted him to relive it. I wanted him to dance for me , for ever and ever and ever. I wanted his body to movie. That was what i wanted hrithik to do. There he was lying down on the bed and here i was waiting for him to get up and be the hero.
There is something about our heores : we always want them to b happy, tragic is not for us. But sanjay leela bhansali loves romantising with tragedies, or ill rephrase it , he likes romanticsing with suffereing. And show it as it is. Not less nor more. He will give it colour and music and the tone which he feels is right.
Blue, green or red was not the colour i would associate with the man lying down there. But there were colours aplashed across the mvoie. And yet it never was out of frame. Eery time he smiled, ther ewas colour , everytime he cried there was music. Every time he felt there was silence. Every sensation had to be alert. The audience wanted to feel atleast for sometime, how life can be simple or so less complicated.
If he could glide and serenade the ballloon , if he could play iwth the candle and if he could dance with a lovely woman i have nver seen on screen before. If all of this was life of some magician , then i would say he lived his life . complete.
Idea of euthansia, was the thread where he wanted people to hold. But i guess the frames were too big for euthansia to hold on. Even he had judegment in his favour, the stpry would have remained the same. Its not about the end . it was just about the journey and it was about every small trick of his,. Which had music to partner and dance to sing it.
If mother mary was the thme and we had ave maria as the backdrop, then ash did justice to her role. I like when woman get simple yet complicated roles. And i love it when they are tough and are fighting the love of their life. I would not say , it is hritik here. It is the idea of love here. It was not about his life but about every life that was connected to it .
It was guzaarish to give up their lives which was stuck with him.
Or maybe guzaarush to relive a life which was stuck in the past and with colours which had faded out.

visit to my favourite dentist

I have always hated going to the dentist, maybe he was always rude to me or maybe just made me realize how bad teeth I had, but this new dentist is different. Not because he has been sweet to him or he has given me permission to try out any sort of sweets. He does one thing very well, he talks! And very few people make sense when they talk , well call him an exception in this field.

My first surprise came in the pack of Sigmund Freud, I was trying to grapple the concept of his interpretation of dreams and I personally knew that I was doing a very bad job of it, so I took along that book to my dentist place (yes, I do carry books everywhere possible where I might get even 5 mins to read!). The only thing he said after looking at the book was that I should not read such books cos its one of the reasons for my wisdom tooth getting formed so crooked. I knew my dentist was trying his level best to calm my nerves so this joke was somehow entertained. But the shock came when he applied that concepts of dreams in the field of dentistry and started talking about lack of literature in dentistry. All this time I had cotton in my mouth and his left hand in my mouth and he kept on talking and the only sound I could make as a sign of approval was a moan.
This educational tour was not being stopped here and it continued during my next visits. this time the discussion spilled over to movies and well I guess he was waiting for a patient to discuss cinematography of the movie Godfather (I wanted to seek apology from him as I was not a fan of godfather and I only watched it cos one of my friends believed that my life would not have been complete if I had not watched that movie) so we discussed international movies and then he went about mafia in Italy.. All this discussion with his hands busy and my brain being throbbed with noise of the various instruments used in my mouth. Yet I remembered each and every thing he said or discussed …

Its funny , but now I look forward to going there , not for my check ups , but listen to his discussions , more so his monologues .. These are the places that somehow we do not expect to find knowledge and here I was finding the best of all by treating myself as a patient. The way one can derive knowledge, there is no limit ….
In the words of my dentist, there is no limit …
All you need is a good listener, and someone who loves listening to stories ;)

Yeh Duniya Agar Mil Bhi Jaaye - Redux (Gulaal)

is there a difference between the author and his work

Have been reading a lot into Russian literature and over time have come to conclusion that no one can romaticise the way they do , it’s a weird feeling , its something like what my friend said that , they depict the ugly side of humans that no one would like to listen .

Have been thinking now days , what if all these dark characters were actually the authors themselves … I mean the character in crime and punishment and his feelings were so well portrayed that it could only be written by someone who actually went thorugh it. The dark side was so deep , was so conflicting that even writing such thing could be devastating for the person unless you had seen it………..

Gorky, the way he discusses his poverty and then discusses the mad person who was poor and still believed in truth in his work “mother”. Its like he discussing his life Its funny that though all his characters were saddled by life yet there was some rays , I have no idea from these characters were deriving that energy or life…………..

The recent entry being , Lev Tolstoy , his work ‘ resurrection” the protagonist , the trauma he goes through , the whole fight within , what if the author too had seen this …. Could it really be possible, that it was just a piece of work, literature ……………..

Ppl say that we can differentiate the author and his work , I sometimes find it difficult to believe it. Maybe I am immature and I read too much into the lines , but these feelings or the different shades are so captivating that its difficult for me to understand that it can be just a fiction .

That this story was never repeated before, it never happened with anyone …………………

I sometimes feel like an author and I feel like penning down thoughts, thoughts that might b too dangerous to leash out, but something that I want the world to know.

Ill write a story and give my feelings a sketch and that sketch would be my protagonists ………
Did these Russian chaps feel the same , who knows..

is there anything which is actually ours !

Human beings are always trying to find a purpose for their lives. It can be a meaning, a journey or a cause. It helps in giving a better definition for their lives. This purpose is always a parameter to measure one’s live. Some people live by it, some people live for it. But most of the times these purposes are fake. People dnt realize it until they realize that its not the goal but the means of the journey that matters, one more sham that adds up on our list of thinking.

I have always been fascinated by the cause driven fights. Let it be the fundamental rights or any other violation. Have always tried to embrace these rights as a means to fulfill my destiny. But deep within have always had this question, how far will I go and do these causes mean anything to me other than just being the means.

For some its not the cause, cos the cause is based on their lives. It becomes cause for people like us, who are searching this earth for the purpose. I was inspired by this movie “ life of David gale’ to think about this whole conflict between the cause and the extent to which one will go to achieve it . There is this line in the movie where he discusses about how whole life we humans try avoiding the death, and finally we no more feel like avoiding it . He died for a cause, or make it they died for a cause. This very aspect of being mortal for a cause, gives the cause an immortal status where we humans are just a part of the universe plan. Scary to think , that our existence of not much of an importance, but I guess a lot more liberating . If the cause is the ultimate reason for a survival , how many of us are able to define this cause. Rand would have happily dismissed the humans who lived without a cause, but very few actually get to see the design for a cause. Very few fight their cause, most of us are just fighting for someone else’s cause. They can not be blamed, it said that one needs to feel it in order to understand the cause and the destiny chooses very few for this plan .

Most of us , just keep flying and land wherever we feel at home ,
Very few , make that haven for others to land.
Call it destiny or call it life.

Re-living each and every day

There are times , you are sure you want to move on and experience everything that you had ever dreamt of ....But you are so scared of the failures and past experiences that you prefer living in a cocoon rather than trying out and living that life........
living life at that edge , that razor edge you always wanted to live....

so many times , you have lived life as though it was just a repitition of the previous day , as though you are reliving each and every day of your life and you hate it to the core and yet you would not b able to get out of that cycle cos you are caught up......


is it that tough ?

to take life in your hands and start a life all over again ...........



its funny , but Boman Irani said this while accepting his award today : i started acting at the age of 44 ! and i love it...........

sharukh is 44 and has been acting for last 20 years and he is tired of it .......

we decide which state we want to be in ?

excerpts continued from dreams

shikha stood and thought about how death made her feel, it was cold and numb , like any great movie had taught her to feel but when she was finally faced by it, there was something about that she could not comprehend .......

they were right , it was cold and numb but it was painful and she could feel the blood freezing in her vain as though she would choke....

she never felt sad in the last 1 year , every death made life more comprehensible to her, in every funeral she just stood and stared at the flowers. she was trying to find meaning in every death possible, but there was no meaning. there were no angels , there was no god

nobody came to console her and she had to continue staring at the flowers.

by the 6th funeral , she started smiling at the coffins, she started observing the patterns on it, she started comparing the soil around and she longer missed people .she wanted it more peaceful and less dramatic. she wanted people to understand that funerals were not meant for them but for the dead and let him feel it for one day , that they really were part of this universe.

she always had a connection with old people as though they had some magic to pass on , some portions that only they could share... so death was the part of that magic, that neverland that only they could see,

she wished no one cried, no one disturbed in this whole magical process, she wished people understood the relevance of death......


she wanted people to get why others were dying.
they were fulfilling their purpose
they were dying cos we could live

it was still cold and numb.
and it was still a funeral
and she still smiled.

excerpt from a dream...

Shikha knew she was gonna cry , really bad , but she could not and all she could do was stare ....... it was blank in front and all the details of the road were something she remembered very well. it was just as though she could draw the whole thing with one stroke of her paint , it was plain red and that was the image she wanted to paint........


she could see herself falling from a cliff, someone stood there at the top and she knew someone was looking for her , she was not sure whether the person wanted her to fall off and begin all over again or just wanted her to remain clinging there . it was plain painful . she could hear the temple verses and it haunted her..........
if only she could paint everything red, just as the sky she imagined , a sky that was red, a sky that had no clouds, something that did not give hope , something that did not raise curiosity.....


maybe it was tough to paint , to strike the brush , to form the colour she wanted to see.


she stood staring at things, she did want to move , but there was nothing red to hold.

idiots who remained idiots

after watching 3 idiots today , the only thing i could think was, distortion of the image of RYAN, i guess anyone who read the book so wanted to know why exactly ws ryan like that ......................

y was that nothing mattered to him , and nothing really was important. how he could afford to believe in things and how he continued in believing in such things.,
the book never gave reasons and maybe thats y it was so scared!

Ryan was more than just a charcter , maybe chetan bhagat never intended him to be such a good stuff , but he was an ideology himself..................

3 idiots gave reason for his nature , it gave boundaries and somehow everything was there in open ................

y was that all 3 became famous in the end. wat was wrong if rancho had not been successful ..... y was there such a big insistence on succeeding wen all he wanted was to learn ......................


wat was wrong , if he had ended as a loser!


maybe its a movie and as everyone wanted a good ending ..............

but am sure there are lot of ryans out there , who never became anything .........................


so there are idiots who remain idiots all their lives!


rememebr them ...............

100 years of solitude for every feminist is what they want!

feminism is something i have been trying to handle for last one year . am sure of the fact that i do not hate men, but i reallly do not understand that why exactly is it so tough to talk the language of woman , they very fact that being emotional is considered to girly and weak is something i never understood/..............


ppl want to celebrate the 100 years of feminism , for what! i totally respect the woman who had the guts to leave the main domain and fight in an area which hardly had any voice but 100 years down the lane i personally feel it has gone down the drain !

i think twice before walking alone at night1 its not cos am scared of guys , but its cos am scared of society . if something does happen to me , ill be questioned for being there at the first place......... y do i have to live in fear and i find it perfectly normal if a guy leers at me in public ..................... y is to so conditioned and that no one feels that there is something odd......


hwat is this 100 years of feminism ....

are we looking for the basic 100 years of solitude