this is what 'human bondage' made me feel

If you reason and then act then it gives you pleasure but if you go against reason and think from your heart, it would give you pain.
Spinoza

When one is in love, one really acts dumb. And according to my best friend it is perfectly normal and to be more precise one gets some humor in one’s life. I am not sure of that line but that one thing is sure is that one becomes a source of humour for your friends. I would love to call it as love , but we all are aware of it that it take ages to fall in love and seconds to fall in trap, so I too am a victim of that trap.

Its so humiliating the way one acts, or maybe people who know you can really take advantage of you, but nothing stops one from being so stupid.

I remember reading ‘Human Bondage’. I hated that passages where there was mention of Mildred, I just could not go further. I mean the character ‘Philip’ was so vulnerable and so true. One could relate with him and feel so pathetic about one self. We all have acted that way once in our lives and I personally think that if one has not, then one has not lived life. Maybe he was right when he says that he can’t help acting like that. It was degrading; it was humiliating that I was so ashamed that I was reading it. I remember where Philip tries to reason his action and he was not able to make any logic out of it. Also the fact that Maugham keeps on brining the character ‘Mildred’ again and again back. He keeps on torturing Philip and worse he enjoys and relives the whole pain again and again.
He has the perfect woman who can give him love; still he prefers the one that he would only give him pain. Even Mildred does the same; she keeps on opting for the guys who would never love her. She never cares for Philip even though she knows that he really loves her. Maybe it’s like a vicious circle where no one really loves anyone but it’s the feeling that completes you. It’s not about the other person, its how one feels bout oneself while being with them. There was this line where he says that after getting her, he feels repulsive when he finally has control over her, he feels nothing! No amount of logic would ever solve it. And the best part was that the author never promised that Mildred would not return!
I remember through out the book while reading I kept on wishing that Philip would not encounter Mildred ever again, cos I knew from the bottom of my heart , that he would lose all his guards. His life would be toppled upside down and again he would be on the roads.
The only people I loved in the novel was Cronshaw and Cilfton , both of them were beautifully destroyed in the story . I am sure Maugham would have given a lot of time thinking about the death these great souls deserved. I personally think souls like these do not have right to exist cos they would not change a thing but would make the human feel miserable about themselves.
If people ever lived for themselves or for the sake of life , we would not have ended this way , but that exactly was Maugham’s point . There was no meaning about life. One did not have spent to ages trying to understand it. It was like the Persian rug that cronshaw had gifted Philip, it had different patterns and all these patterns just added spice to life. The colours of the rug were the emotions of life. One could darken it or make it beautiful but
Its emotions only that can show you all the colours of life. You cant pick your choices , life just gives you and very few survive it.