bla bla.. london ...

its easy being honest , when it is at the expense of someone else. Ut is when you feel like you can bear the consequences that you flood the other person with honesty. Is it really human that you always need a backup . Who will remain in his shit forever. Is it your backup or do you genuinely need someone in shit ?

Does summer romance exist only in movies? Can virtual romance be limited to PS ?are books leading to escapsim ? Am I scared to hear my own ideas ? Am I saturated or am I just running away from swarm of bees . Question should be why would anyone run away from the only thing that defines me . It is complicated. That is so simpliistic . Like he said : tolstoy is not dramatic enough for you. Scared of the depth of the pessimism or scared of the depth of the scars of the heals . How much can one survive or how much can one inflict .

Even after all the precautions of the world, destiny still prevaiils and takes better of me . Its as though its undecipherable after a certain point. Even though I would like to be in change , I think destiny is doing a better hon than I have ever done in my life. Did I sound different ? I am less conscious, or am I less spontaneous . I know my usage of words have changed. My sentence structure has. I let wind blow into my nose and I let my cheek bones move extra. Maybe thats why sound different ?

Should I not be sounding different ? Should I not be altering ? I am in different city , mongst different cutlures. I am bound to change. Bound to alter. In a way find something new . New that I something that I have not experinced before. Something I dnt know how to respond to . Facing something new is scary . One is not taught how to respond. One is unsure of everything that one could sense. Suddenly there is dearth of senses. Viison changes. Values shake. Should one keep testing oneself with idea of new . Would the mirror ever break one day / how can you test yoursefl with these experiments ? What if you break ? Will you ? You will .. can you wear that hat ? Do you need a home ? Do you want something constant ! Wrt to time , space and feelings .. is there any dimension beyond it !

Londonn Dreams.

Being in London is like reading Human Bondage all over again. The streets , the night life . YOu are in peace with yourslef again. Its the freedom that people attain when they realise that eyes are not following them . The skyline is aboutmerging different builidngs and mostly about losing oneself staring the sky. In word it would be : Inception.It is the scene where she is contructing the dreams and builidns keep popping up . The lanes just lead no where and everyone is walking and walkinh. Dare to cerate and Dare to be on road. That would be the theme of this entry. Dare to be the muse and bare out your curves and see the world with your eyes.even the paintings dnt speak for themself they will tell you to stop staring. Go out and create. speak for yourslef , not the truth but your voice. and it goes on until you see yourslef in different time zone and then stare back at time .

Love the fact of seeing a kafka in a washroom and love seeing hemingway hanging on the wall. there is always someone who will understand your ideas.

dnt sell it as a lost one .

blue... berry nights

It takes time to think when one has Jude law as an actor in a movie: but I guess other than the smile he had something beyond his looks here: my blueberry nights … another stint by Wong kar ki, and I thought why not give it a try. Honestly I dint expect English actors so it was a shock for me. I was complacent with the Chinese and Korean actors. There is something about them I never feel they are acting; I always feel they are telling a story.
So yes, my blueberry had lot of mysteries to solve. It’s about people and how people deal with their circumstances. Some tell stories, some collect keys, some drink and some play … and then there are the passive sorts: who play the most important part of listening …
Everyone gets to play this role once: the act of listening, listening to something you have no clue. Trying to be part of a situation, you can never fathom. And yet they do the part ….
I never knew Norah Jones could act; she was just the prefect misfit and she eating blueberry pie the most beautiful scene.
Is it the music or clear sense of motion that makes his movie different? I would still say I prefer the Chinese cast. Somehow I guess the Hollywood brings a gap or some sort of void which forces me to start thinking whereas in other movies, I could always find my own spot. but yes , as usual , it had some great music and some beautiful lines … from do these guys find these lines … all of us have said these lines , but very few dare to use it in public .., such vulnerable and romantic lines…
I loved the end for a change: I dint want the actors to be separated again. There is this sense of consolation that life is unfair anyhow. But once in blue moon (say once in a blueberry pie) I would like to see some things to be set right …
This movie did that for me … ;)

white walls

Shikha was always perplexed by the kind of writing she had developed over years. Not one of the places where she would generally feel like writing. She was not sure, but the more she travelled , the more she got scared of the unknown. Her inhibitions were so modern that she really felt a misfit in any other content. She could feel like an outsider in her own country. There she was trying to discover, and yet getting perplexed. It was easier to romanticize and difficult to comprehend. Or she just dint want to comprehend.
She hated youth book s ending. Platonic. As though nothing was true or atleast worth.
She hated white walls. She never could understand the reason behind it. She did not want a psychoanalytical answer for that .Nothing , empty, blank. Or was it just the idea of a ‘ no colour’. No passion , this idea further added to her hatred.
So was the sky and yet she loved it. She loved the plain white clouds.
It was difficult now to walk aimlessly , to imagine , to smile. Suddenly she felt those eyes which were blind for her before. She was becoming lazy in her dreams. It was so difficult to see herself fading away. She did not want to resort to anyone. They all wanted to pull something down. But how long would the conflict help ?> it would either merge or submerge one day .
She liked the idea of huts and the idea of sitting inside it and having soup. And paint those fences. Have a house and sleep on the floors. She could see her language dwindling away but her mind understood her. God’s silence. Should she be quiet ? but the twins kept talking …
Was it the fear of lonliness … na… but it was a different genre. She did not have a word for it .
But it did exist ,when the mind goes numb and one hears a howl .

my sassy girl ...

My sassy girl..
A Korean movie which kept me happy and busy for 3 days ,, I dnt know what sassy means , and I somehow dnt wanna know either,. Cos I was so happy to see the movie that I wanted to hold a special meaning for it . this movie also came as highly recommended movie..
It was lovable to the core, and after a long time made me smile from every part of my cell.. nice na .. I actually felt like loosening up my hair and sitting on the top of a mountain and just smile.. it was that cute and made me feel young … such a ncie feeling …
So story starts on a drunk note : girl is drunk , boy helps and he ends up in prison . strike one .
Girl is again drunk , boy again helps and he ends up in prison again, strike 2
Revenge time , boy gets drunk, girl does not help and he ends up in prison … strike 3…
I dnt know, y but everytime the boy got hit by the girl , I enjoyed it .. ya ya sadist pleasure .. but it was so cute and the way the played games.. people should sometime really try .. all this mushy mushy love aside and try fighting with someone you love.. be extreme honest and keep fighting and if you can hit ,, even better .. ul feels really good ;) trust me … try that once… ya .. that’s the feeling …
Honestly I never understood when did they start dating , did they ever date .. I understood when they broke up and when they wanted it to work …
College, high school life .. there is so much of hope …
Maybe this is what the movie meant to me : time capsule : one would meet someone from future and then keep drifting in time until one finds the right time zone…
They decided to part away … and buried the time capsule and promised that they ll meet after 2 years .. y do ppl think time will change anything … does time change … do people really mean that …
I liked the fact she dint come , after 2 years .. honestly I never thought she ll ever come .. she comes after 3 years ,,, and the tree beneath which it was buried … is planted again so that she can find the place when she comes back … I dnt know what I loved th most . the fact of burying the letters and really believing that they will read the letters one day .. or the fact that nothing changed after 2 years … whatever change that came ,, was so beautiful …
End : they end up together …
It was simple .. yet destiny played a role … destiny plays with you .. very few survive the game . these 2 did … my sassy girl …
Will write my sassy boy one day ;)

little children ...

For starters : pedophile is a topic that still makes me feel nervous. Before you jump into conclusions, no I have not been harassed as a kid. but still a bad taste or bad tinge Is left behind …
So when my friend, told me that ‘little children’, had one protagonists as a person convicted for sex offences, I was really vary of the movie. but then there was Kate winslet and my prejudices towards her won over my prejudices against the pedophiles..
Ill start by saying,, this was not what I expected. The whole story was narrated to me and there was nothing that I was really forward to. But as the story unfolded, I was getting the links that the narration had missed. Characters were simple, nothing revolutionary and idea of boredom with life , was something that was prominent . Problem starts when we start categorizing and start looking for answers as to why is someone in that way or in my case a pedophile …
This picture , refused to give an answer, it went an extra step : it confronted me with questions,,, can sex be erased off someone s memory for a flash a second and can I look at the same person in a different way . with all the goodness in my heart , I am not sure , how will I ever react . yes I know its just a movie .. but these are the only things that still make me think …..
Sketch the character : and boredom might get a shade.. are we escaping our lives, or are we just trying to run away from life itself … I am not sure ..But I liked the way Kate winslet kept her hair , in the movie , not cos of dirty or unkempt, just cos … there was an idea of desperation or idea of tiredness that was evident from her look . She dint try to hide it or try to uncomplicated it . She did exactly the opposite.. She complicated it and tried reasoning out … is it the guilt or the better sense, not sure.. But the ending again shocked me ,,,
She dint run off with the man , she was having an affair with, cos her daughter wanted to go home.
The man with whom she was supposed to run off , had to skate one last time before running away and he ends up in hospital
The poedophile decides to free himself from the agaony by hurting himself
And people like me , decide to help him by not letting him die .
Does past really matter ……

kathakali

its on the concept of dance and the very beauty of our ancestors and
thier traditions:

would like to state my background first:: had watched vanaprastham
movie( its a malyalam movie on life of a kathakali dnacer). and i must
admit it was beautiful. it was hauntignly silent and the dance
performed touched every part of my soul. the more you listen and the
more you stare at the dance the more your body aches to take that
shape. one finds that meanibg or that eternla soul that one keeps
looking in god. this idea of dance where one beocmes one with one's
own wsoul. where the music engulfs the body and one beocmes the unity
with the universe. there is nothing in kathakli , its story and
expression through faces and one needs to master one's body and soul
to get this story right. not everyone can enact it, there has to be
shudhi( purity) of soul. somehow english word would not have got that
feeling right. there is this mythical story that one needs to enact
and the audinece has to feel the pain that protagnists suffer in the
myth.

i would like to recite the story that was enacted in the movie : it is
the story of the love between arjuna and subhadra ( i can see the
differnce in me , i typed arjuna and not arjun, that very conceot
shows the difference in my attitude, dnt wanna dwell into polictical
statements now) . thus there is this kathakali dancer so this dancer
enactes various forms of mahabharatha and one of his acts are based on
arjuna. he is called to performed in front of raja and he performs.
here he is seen by the daughter in law ( subhadhra this was enacted by
suhasini, am guessing you would know her, she is wife of mani
ratnam)of raja who is an avid reader of lietrature and who knows every
script of that act.

about kathakali :now remember this act is done in parts : it has dnace
, it has music, dance , music and script. this script basically is in
the form of dialouges taht need to expressed in the form of dance.
kathakali is predominatly about expressions where the face along with
soft movements of the body. one does nort move much from the place and
every act is heavily based on the expressions and beautiful lyrics
that are sung.
so in this movie : he meets her , here she requests him to read her
work and she keeps a track of his performances. behind all this he has
a wife and a girl child. he keeps peforming and over the time period
his enactment of arjuna becomes an obsession. here the woman asks him
to enact an act which is her interprestation of love between arjuna
and subhadhra . he does performa nd after the act she requests that
just for a day she would like to live the life of taht subhadra who
was in love with that arjuna. she had always dreamt of that character
arjuna whom she had sketched through her act and just for the day she
would like to live like her and feel that deviotion and love.

they conjugate while he is still in his costume of kathakali dancer
and after that he leaves. she comes back one day in between the
performance and she tells him taht abhimanyu ( son of arjuna and
subhadra ) will be born soon . after this she says that she want her
son to be son of her husband and not the kathakali dancer.its her son
and not his son as she had made love to the character and not the
person.after this the dancer refuses to enact arjuna ever again and
only performs the krodha role .

for years she refuses to let the father meet the son , and thus this
kathakail dancer as a last dance does an ode to this woman. he
performs the same act one last time nad this time his own daughter
acts as the subhdra and he acts it and subhadhra comes to watch the
performance. during those days it was an incest for a father to
serenade his own daughther for a performance, but his daughter
understands the plight his father is going through and agrees to do
her first and last performance. he dies after ther performace.
it was so powerful . am so proud of my malyalam lineage. the language
and the usage is so strong and beautiful . i did not understand the
major part of the movie. maybe i was unaware of the mythology and was
trying to sense out the feelings that these characters felt. i so
would like to dnce like them or atlesat read one of these texts and
perform it once. there was some really good shots and some powerful
acting done.

this strong potrayal of woman character, i would have to say woman, as
refusal to give parenthood to a father is something unheard by me,
such powerful expression. the very fact that a married woman dared to
fall in love with a character and she dedicates this devotion of her
through her own way of exoressing love to this mythology character.
she creates her won anchor even when she was fully aware of having a
husband who needed to be made a father. it wa stoo strong. the way she
enjoyed his performance and they way corrected the mstakes in every
script that he enacted. is really good.
this kathakali dancer, who dedicates his life for the continuyance of
dying art : who performs every part of with full dedication : shudhi :
he undersatnds every part and enacts the characters but not acting but
by living them .his love for the fan who undersatnds his devotion is
cultivated in the form of conjugation of dance and sex which results
in abhimanyu who is denied to him. he is entrapped in the fanatsy of
someone else and he keeps living that dream until he slowly starts
loosing his sanity. refusal of his father to acknowledge him as his
son and refusal of his son to acknowldge him as father is a very
strong theme that runs through the movie. his ;last ode to the only
true love other dance was performed by his very own daughter who was
ready to act the part of his lover just to perform his last rites in
the form of dance and give him moksha. she did what was expected of a
son . she performed his last rites.
it was BEAUTIFUL and very POWERFUL.
most of the writing is affected by the solitude i have enforced on
myslef in kerala, its a month in kerala since i have been in kerala
with chachi and i will say, am falling in love with my roots. my state
, my language or my ancestors. my history , my past. thus this concept
of dance and classical music gives me more scope to be near to my
past.