After the Key: Mockumentary by Unk

This one is called Jasmine in all moods possible. I actually like the fact that I am acting crazy in every shot possible.After staying in UK for so long, I think so I have started loosing my basic instincts, like anger, jealousy, greed and so on. No am not trying to sound like some ascetic here! am just stating the fact that I have been repressing my feelings most of the time, I have been too nice, too polite, too good and there are serious consequences with regard to this!
 this set of photos tries to capture me in perfect moods! moods i have so tried forgetting!

 So here I was trying to figure out why exactly am i trying to help this bespectacled guy in my life. He is irritating, mostly self obsessed and worse repeats the same thing atleast 20 times, this is a kind of talent that people need to acknowledge! anyways I was trying o figure out among my other innermost feelings, Y the hell was I trying to help him!

 And the answer seemed like because we were friends, and this was the point where I started loosing my patience. Friendship at such a big cost! There was a limit to things and there was limit to friendship too. sounds rude! well this is exactly what happens when one tries to hide emotions for such a long time, in my case it was 8 months! so yes I shouted at him, screamed at him, abused him in my mind alteast! and had a jolly timing making faces!( well evident from the pics)

And I wish I had stopped this social experiment, but no I had to go on! Cos I never thought these moods or to be precise these faces I was making was being captured by some smart ass!(in this case It would be winnie and david) so yeah, thank you guys!!!! it just helped me realise how much i missed these faces as well emotions!

 There was a time in this experiment where i was asked by the director : did i know why i was part of the project : honestly answer was : no idea, but i did say something fancy and then came the next question , did i know what was i doing in the project . and trust me i stared at him for a million light years ( that's how i felt in my mind) and i thought : really, what kind of question was that!!! but i gave him an answer : and that was : something to do with metaphors and am pretty sure, in that instance both him and I were confused.
But thinking about it now : maybe I do the answer : I was tired of this, was tired of this blankness, was tired of this silence and somehow this experiment gave me all the reasons to jump out and scream. and what was i doing in the project : I was trying to find both myself and him.

So Unk, This is a way of saying Thank you. It was great working with you and Winnie and David you just made me realise it was so much fun being idiots on camera ;)

My women in colours.

and I am finally about to reveal my first ever stint with painting brush. I must admit most of the work was done when I was depressed and the strokes of the brush were the only constant boredom I enjoyed! Its nothing great and honestly most of the work has been hurried to some extent. But still it feels good about painting. Just getting the colours on the paper, just getting the mood. just knowing the fact that I would like my woman to be coloured !

 There is a reason why my woman are of different colours, I dint want to restrict them in any colours. I wanted different bodies, different hair, different structures and I wanted all of them to be happy in their own bodies! so gave them colours!

Woman's Hysteria

Every time I look at a heartbroken woman, I sympathize with her, I even join her in bashing and abusing the man. I would not say I am proud of this act. But there is something tragic about woman in love, something tragic enough for me to call it romantic. The idea of loving with all your soul and then not ever getting this love returned. Yes, Yes, before I got slaughtered for being an anti-men feminist and writing an anti men article,I would just like to say : am about to write about woman's hysteria (an uncontrollable unleash of emotions), a madness that was once was made so famous by Mr. Freud. He was right : woman suffer from hysteria, and this time I call this hysteria : love.

Let me state my background : I had a long chat with my best friend : she always excites me, I see all my brain cells active and the best part : I see no point in hiding my inner most feelings , my thoughts, I go hysterical and funny enough she gets this language of mine. mind you, it is a very well developed language. You need to be a woman, and be aware of being a woman and capable of being a woman to posses this skill for this language. So here we were discussing, and all of a sudden , I started talking about hysteria. Madness, the tragedy of love, the so called passion of a woman in love.

My friend said something about a movie, that once touched my heart and soul.7 khoon maaf (7 sins forgiven), an Indian movie about female protagonist's quest for love that leads to a series of marriages, each ending in the mysterious death of her latest husband.According to my friend, in each killing protagonist was providing redemption to the men. She was saving them and she was only capable of true love,and she had to kill them to be truly honest to them. This thought obviously struck me. I had felt a great sense of grief after watching the movie. I was alone in the theatre and felt really helpless. I so wanted to tell the protagonist, she would not find this love. This is hysteria,where she would only get lost in her own language.

This theme again repeated in novels, Madam Bovary(French novel) and again in Anna Karenina(Russian novel). Both masterpieces had  protagonists who were affected by something supernatural. They were trying to find some love, that would fulfill this purpose of life. They were unmanageable and they had fits of emotions. They wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. They cheated on their husbands, had various affairs and were never ever happy. They were always turmoiled by their emotions, their lack of control on their emotions and their ability to love was uncontrollable to the extent that they were no more aware about what did they want in their life. They both committed suicide. 

It sounds all stupid, it does not make sense and it never seems possible . Hysteria was considered a major disease to the extent that it was supposed to be affecting woman during their menstruation periods and sexual frustration. 

But is it possible that these woman were actually in love and it was the sole reason for them to behave in this wild , mad manner? Obviously in all the above mentioned 3 stories, they ended either committing suicide or finding redemption in religion. They had to be saved from their diseases and the creators of the characters, did provide them with this redemption. But I want to ask something else, Y did they need the redemption, Y do characters like these end up with death? Y do woman who go mad in love, become a tragic love story? Y is that there was never a language for this hysteria ? Y was Freud so keen in curing these woman of their disease called hysteria ? 

I am not seeking for answers here. I am just trying to take an interest in a language which was lost in this disease called hysteria , I wanted to produce a thought to re-invoke this idea of love and madness without the contempt of mockery or pity. I do not want to be forgiven or saved. I want to be heard. 

Lost in Translation!

I never knew language could play such an important part of my life, never knew language would hinder my friendship, restrict my love affairs. prevent myself from growing. in short never knew i could only understand people who spoke my language. I am referring to the language we use on daily basis. the language we use to communicate what we feel .have you ever thought about, how restricted we are by this medium.


I have a good friend, who is Chinese. Its recently that I came across this issue of language as a barrier. she tries to speak in English and I try to learn mandarin. There might be hint of love and mutual admiration thrown in this, but we still struggle. After 8 months of staying together, yes we understand each other, but there have been moments when I see myself hoping that one day we would be able to talk in a language that both of us know. To communicate in a medium which would not limit our conversation. obviously the fact that English is the common language, does help a lot, but still, there have been instances where words have failed us. we just stare at each other or maybe each other's helplessness.


we could have been lot closer, we could have shared a whole new world, we could have explored so many different ideas. but we sometimes dnt understand each other, however hard we try. we are limited. and however hard we try, we are very well aware that, the other person is lot different from what we understand her to be.

it does hurt me to acknowledge the fact that, i might even love based on this language barrier, all this idea of true love would also be limited by my knowledge of languages. the love has to be expressed within this medium, and ill only be capable of understanding this expression of love.

this acknowledgement itself came at a high cost. the very fact that I had to struggle this far to make a good friend, kind of describes my situation. but there is an element of sweet romantic tragedy to it too. Ill be never be able to know my friend fully. Ill always have a limited picture of her. ill never know her completely . maybe i dnt have to . 

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

A word  that I was introduced to when I reached United Kingdom. I was given the rough idea, definitions and different clauses attached to it. Do not by perturbed by the acronym of the word, indeed there was something sad about this word.

SAD is a disorder that human beings go though when there is a change in weather, change in weather sounds so casual, so let me repeat myself here, When there is a drastic change in weather and weather tends to take major part of your life, your moods, your topic of discussions, basically anything that affects a life cycle. I would not like to include animals in this chain of victim hood as they are smart enough not to attribute too much of importance to a simple natural thing called weather. But we humans are different, so here I am discussing weather on my blog. Yes, I am finally getting affected by SAD.

When you get up in the morning, you see rain, some water drops falling of the roof top. That should sound poetic and beautiful . Now multiply that with every day of you life for next 3 months. Lets fast forward this : So I get up, see the drops and stare at the window, next day again I get up , see the drops and stare at the window. By the 14^th day, I would have stopped staring instead I would stop seeing the window and get up with a gloomy face. You should ask, Why? When ?> How ? Its a simple act of getting up, but I do not know and I would not like to know ( let the neuro-scientist and the consciousness camps work on this aspect) why a simple act of seeing rain , and mind you I have not even decided whether to venture out in the wonderful weather, spoils a persons mood.

And by end of 2 nd month, yes you would be depressed, and blaming the weather, taking all kind of self help books, resorting to all group activities and finally eating sweets and junk food. I like to think weather is working in favour of corporate world, it works in collaboration with the TNC, trans-national companies.That's the only reason I can see for this weird cycle of events.

So here I am blaming the weather, for all the bad things happening in my life. Since I am doing a simple act of blaming weather, one should always remember that one tends to exaggerate when one is suffering from SAD. Its funny and tragic at the same time.